my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
