Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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