whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
