I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
