I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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