did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
