hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
