There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
