Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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