Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
