Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
