last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
