I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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