mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize