I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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