I can tuck mytits in my pants
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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