The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
