I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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