I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
