I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
