Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
