You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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