Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize