I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
