I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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