We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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