I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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