My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
