she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
