I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
