You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
