Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
