she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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