walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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