i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize