Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
