Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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