Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
