Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
