Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You ate ashes out of my bong
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
