Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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