If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
