oh god the rape fog is back!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
