i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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