so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
