you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
