i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sorry about my life...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize