it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
