He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
