if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
