Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
