when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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