Moan for me like Helen Keller
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
