; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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