The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
