I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
