I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
