i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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