Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
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