thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
