Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
