Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
