I met the friendliest cop last night
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
