You can't special order awesome
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize