I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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