I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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