is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Every concussion has its silver lining
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
