someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
