Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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