also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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