tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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