I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If that was your dad, he is hot
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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