Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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