Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
