Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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