Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
