is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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