uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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