So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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