i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
