So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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