Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
