Screwed.edu
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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