...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
