yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
