turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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