They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize