i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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