So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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