Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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