Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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