I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We don't watch enough power rangers
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
