used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
