Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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