He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
