there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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