soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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