I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't deserve a penis
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize