6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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