Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
