Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
