Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
