I'll bet she douches with gravy.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
