Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
