You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
